We Read the Improvement Era So You Don’t Have To

 | You may have heard of the Ensign, the Liahona, and the Friend, but have you heard of the Improvement Era?? The Improvement Era is the weird, eccentric great-great-grandpa of church magazines. And today, we are bringing you the wackiest articles we handpicked from 1900-1909. You’ll hear about the power of a friendly handshake, doctors’ drama over digestion, and why hot cocoa is basically the same thing as cocaine. One thing this episode will not concern itself with, however, is the tragic sorrow of the Mexican emperor, during the six months which followed his Christmas visit to the old Mexican palace occupied by his countryman and friend the Prince Salm Salm. (Don’t worry, you’ll get it later.)

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi everyone and welcome back to the Loud Laughter Podcast. My name is Stella and I'm here with my sister Sophia. Hi. And Loud Laughter is a safe space for individuals all along the Mormon belief spectrum, even those who may not be familiar with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is a space where we come together and talk about Mormon culture and some of the funny things that arise within it. Yes. And today we have a very fun and interesting episode planned for you guys. Today we're going to be talking a bit about church magazines. So if you grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you probably grew up reading church magazines like maybe The New Era or The Enzyme, The Friend. So we are taking it way back to the beginning of church magazines. We're going to go through a little bit of the history of how they started, and then we're going to read some crazy and funny articles that we found from the first decade of the 20th century. So we're doing 1900 to 1909 today. Yes. And a couple of things before we get started that I want to mention. One of them is my recommitment to not saying like every other word. Yeah. Um this is once again my public apology. Me too. I love the structure of this podcast as a co-host because genuinely it's just my sister and I talking like we normally would, and we hit record. And so it's so fun, but it also makes me forget every single time that this will be reproduced for a public audience. And so it's not just us on the phone. Not in any bad way, but just the dynamic makes me let my guard down, which is good because I want it to be authentic and I want it to be fun and upbeat and genuine. But also I have got to stop saying like. So same apologies. Yeah, my apologies as well. We are working on that. So sorry. And then one other thing, uh kind of a recommitment again, is um for us defining terms that are specific to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Obviously, this podcast caters to those along the Mormon belief spectrum, but not necessarily. Anyone that has any interest in Mormonism, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or just wants to have a laugh is welcome here. And we want to make that possible. There are a lot of um terms in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that are unique to it or the ways in which they are used are specific to either the doctrine or the culture. So we'll do our best to define those as we go to for the sake of right now. Church magazines, when we were growing up at least, were on like a subscription-based thing, free subscription, but you like hit subscribe and they send them to you every month in like a bundle. So you could subscribe to either one of the church magazines, which were separated by and still are like separated by age group, enzyme for adults, the new era, now known as the Liahona for the youth, and the friend for the kids. That's actually partially not true. Well, I was just gonna say, I was okay. How is it false? Well, just the you just switched up two of the names. So actually Can you correct me? Yeah, yeah. So the enzyme is now the Liahona, and the new era is now for the strength of youth. That's the only difference. Okay, thank you. Yeah, yeah. No, you're good. Yeah, I'd forgotten that. They changed the name change to the for the strength of youth. I think that one was more recent. Yeah. So I was not a youth when they made that change. Yeah. Okay, final thing before we get started. I just want to give a shout out to Sophia for putting this episode together. I started a new job this week and I have not had a second. And so I take no credit for this research except for a couple of screenshots that I took on my phone.

unknown 3:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

So thank you, Sophia, and let's dive in. You're welcome. Okay, thank you. Alrighty. Before we get to the actual articles that we're gonna read from the early 1900s, I just wanted to go through kind of a timeline of church magazines and how they've changed over the years. So I'm just gonna mention the major church magazines that were published in the 20th and 21st centuries. There were a lot that were kind of um really short-lived at the very beginning of the church, like when Joseph Smith was alive. But I'm just gonna go to the ones that lasted a little bit longer. We'll start out with the ones for adults. There was the Relief Society magazine, which existed from 1914 to 1970. And the Relief Society is the women's organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. So the Relief Society magazine was the official um periodical of the Relief Society organization. It had lessons, updates on local relief society congregations, and other information. So that was 1914 to 1970. And then we have the improvement era, which is the one we're gonna be focusing on most today. And that started in 1897. And the improvement era started out as a publication from the Young Men's Association. Back then it was called the Young Men's Mutual Improvement Association or Y M M I A for short, which isn't actually very short. Is that where mutual comes from? Yeah. Oh my gosh. So activities for the youth are kind of like more casually referred to just as mutual. Yeah. And I never understood why. That makes so much more sense. I always hated the word mutual. Like that's just not it didn't make any sense. And also, like if you let slip around your non-member friends, like let's say that you're talking to a member of the church and you're like, Oh, are you coming to mutual tonight? And then someone overhears, it just sounds weird. It just sounds weird. Yeah. So anyway, I'm glad to know that it came from somewhere. Yeah, the mutual improvement association. And I think that the mutual improvement association later expanded to include young women as well. So it was kind of like the name for the youth of the church, like 12 to 18, about they used to be called the Mutual Improvement Association. And fun fact, they're not called this anymore. But if you grew up in the church around the time that we did, the young women ages 14 to 15 were called Maya maids, and Maya stands for Mutual Improvement Association as well. Bro, so that's why they were called Maya Maids. Did you not know that? I feel like I did at some point, but it's like it's one of those things you forget. It's so easy to forget. Yeah. That's so fascinating. Yeah, they they changed the names of the young women's age groups. Age groups, yeah, very recently. And Maya Maid was always so like another thing, like try explaining that to someone that's not under the church. Like I like we're trying to, because for anyone that's not under the church, and they don't explain it either. Like they didn't explain it in young women's, like, this is why you're called a Maya maid. It was like, oh, I'm just I'm a Maya maid. Like, what the heck is that? Yeah. Like and it carries a spiritual significance because they assign it to you and you like do certain things because you are a Maya maid. But yeah, never once was I like, hey, um what does that mean? What does that even mean? Or yeah, because it's not written out like an acronym anymore, it's written out like a word, like a name. Yeah, yeah, like a whole first name Maya, last name maid. Yeah, crazy. Yeah, so anyway, it started out as the young men's mutual improvement association, and the improvement era from the Mutual Improvement Association, the Improvement Era was like their magazine. So it was originally for the young men. It was like, oh, I'm in my improvement era. Yes, I'm in my improvement era, exactly. So at the at about the same time as the improvement era was getting started, there was also a separate magazine for the young women called the Young Women's Journal. And then over time they kind of like merged. I think they officially merged in 1929. But I guess I do also just want to say I feel like the improvement era, even though it was originally towards young men, it was kind of like seemed more general to like the church. Like there's a lot of material in there that doesn't have to be specifically for young men, it's just kind of like for everyone, even from the very beginning. Yeah, I actually like the way that I was reading through it, I I didn't even consider that it was for the young men. Yeah. It felt very relevant church wide. So I wonder how widely it was distributed or how like confined it was to that purpose, really. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to say. But yeah, so it officially became for the young men and young women in 1929. And then from the 1930s to the 1960s, it kind of just like gradually expanded to be for everyone, even though I feel like it always kind of was relevant to everyone. They kind of maybe like took away the sort of young, like the youth branding of it, maybe. Um, and it became just for everyone, mostly for adults, actually, from the 30s to the 60s, like I said. And then in the 1960s, it became like officially the primary church magazine. And then in 1971, the name changed from the improvement era to the enzyme, and then it was like, okay, now the enzyme is officially for the adults, and they made a new magazine called the New Era. So it's kind of like the improvement era, and then it became the new era. The ambiguous new era. Improvement era is very like specific. It's like, okay, this is gonna be a self-help magazine. Yeah, I think maybe it was because like people were used to calling it just the era for short. When it was the improvement era, they were just like, Oh yeah, the era, and so then it was like the new era in 1971, yeah. Yeah, okay, so yeah, so basically the improvement era started out as a publication for young men. It basically um snowballed into just being for everyone. They like took the young women, they're like, Okay, this is for you too, and then it was like adults, and now it's like okay, it's for everyone, and then it split into the enzyme and the new era, and so then just remember that for a second. The enzyme was for adults, and the new era was for youth, starting in 1971. And then we also have the Liahona. So the name Liahona comes from the Book of Mormon, which is scripture for Latter-day Saints. I'm not really gonna get into it further than that because it doesn't really matter. It's a curious ball with a spindle akin to a compass. Yes, but a bunch of regional church magazines were called Liahona over the years. So basically, whenever enough people um in a certain area of the world would be baptized into the church, maybe they want to start their own magazine, they would kind of just call it Liajona for some reason. That is so interesting. Yeah. The first one came out in 1907, and there were lots of different Liajonas published in different languages, and then starting in January 2021, they basically just renamed the enzyme the Liajona. And then what happened to all of the regional ones, lesser Liajonas, the independent, not lesser, but like more independent ones. Yeah. I think that they kind of just stopped being published. They also um it wasn't like all of them lasted until 2021 either. Like they kind of like came and went, these little independent Liajonas, but um, whereas like the Liajona, it used to be like every well, at least from what I remember, so probably for a certain time, maybe like during the 70s to 2021, every non-English church magazine was called the Liajona, and they would have sections in it. Yes, I remember that. Yeah, they would have sections in it for like the youth and the kids and everything. So, like if you wanted to read a church magazine in Spanish, you weren't getting the enzyme, you were getting the Liajona, and it came with like something for at all age groups. I see. They didn't like translate the enzyme for some reason. You would just get the Liajona, and then starting in 2021, they were like, We're actually calling basically what is the enzyme at that point. We're basically renaming that the Liajona, it's just gonna be for adults, but we're gonna start translating it into all the other languages so the adults get their own magazine, yeah, in every language. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this or not, but I used to work for a company that allegedly translated some church magazines and not others. Oh, interesting. Uh-huh. And that makes a lot more sense given that timeline and the intent of each different magazine, why we would have translated one magazine and not some of the others. Oh, that is really interesting. Huh. I'm glad that you did this because honestly, like it's one of those things that I just have never like thought through, but I've always noticed these like changes with the church magazines. So I kind of just thought I was crazy. Yeah. When like suddenly the enzyme was like not the enzyme anymore. Yeah. Or they just like disappeared. I was like, are we all youth? Like, but then I I didn't understand because you just got something different in the mail, and I was like, okay. Yeah. But I'm really glad that you did this because I am no longer so confused about what was going on. Oh, good. Yay. Yeah, it took me like I had to read a couple articles and timelines to like wrap my head around it. Cause and also I'm leaving out so much. Like, there's actually so many random church magazines from like earlier times that I didn't even include. Yeah, like the morning star. Yeah, the evening and the morning star were both newspapers published monthly in independence, misery. But I swear what an English one there is a British one. Millennial Star. Thank you. Understandable that that would be a little bit confusing. Yeah, that's true. That's three different star magazines, but yeah. So I don't know if they had anything like funny in those ones, but maybe someday we'll do a deep dive into the morning star so you don't have to. Or the evening star. Or the millennial star. Oh, or the millennial star, the gen X star. Okay, so jumping to today, the adult magazine is called the Liahona, and it's available in 48 languages, as are The Friend, which is for kids, and for the strength of youth, which used to be called the New Era, which is the youth magazine. Um, and that is yeah, also available in those 48 languages. And then there's also 39 languages in addition to that that get digital articles. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Okay, so that's our timeline. We are up to speed, and we're gonna now dive into the improvement era from 1900 to 1909. So this was like three years after it started, and it's focusing on young men, but also kind of like everyone. And we're just gonna share kind of the funniest excerpts that we found, funniest, wildest, most interesting. And I have to say, reading these was like it was just like swimming in the past. It was cool. What were your takeaways, Stel? It was cool, it was also uh disturbing as one can imagine. That's true. Yeah, um, it was like very jarring to read because one page would be like a beautiful exploration about there's one that I found that I just love about um fresh air being necessary for worship in LDS chapels. And then the next page um had a racial slur on it. Yeah. So I just didn't know what I was gonna get. It was a little bit difficult to read through this, to be honest. Like I mean, it was really interesting, and but it parts of it were definitely upsetting. Yeah. I want to say there are there are podcasts that dive into the history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and do an excellent job of it. We are not one of those podcasts and we don't pretend to be. Um, but there are researchers and historians who have done it all and they've done it better than we ever could. So if you're curious about those aspects about race in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for example, there are a plethora of podcasts. Um, we're gonna focus on some more lighthearted things today, but I don't want to not mention that because it was not all sunshine and rainbows. It was also very reflective, from what we read, very reflective of the political state of the United States. Um that's where it was written from, obviously, and its primary audience. And so um one thing that I will mention um was a crazy ad that I found for fire insurance. And it's a political comic of a bear putting bullets in its mouth. And the caption is Russia is taking drastic measures to cure her troubles. You will not find trouble with the manner in which we will handle your fire insurance. We will place the same with a reliable company, and you will have no trouble getting what you expect when the time comes for quote, making good. And this is an ad for the Hebrew J. Grant and Company General Insert Insurance. So obviously, the politics of the time bled into everything in really unfortunate ways. Um, obviously, this is pretty disrespectful. And uh that's the downer part of the episode. That was the only one that was mild enough to mention, unfortunately. So I just do want to say that because we are not pretending like problematic things were not part of this discovery. Yeah. They very much were. But as I mentioned, there are people who have done it better than we could and talked about all these things. So we're gonna stick to some more light-hearted, curious things today. And I want to start off with a bang, if this is okay, Sophia. Yeah. This is a tiny article, and the title is Excessive Hilarity. It says loud laughter shows unrefined character in a marked degree, and its frequency robs one of that delicate debido, which always characterizes a true lady or gentleman. Oh dear. So thank you all so much for joining us. We're gonna have some loud laughs, and shout out to GOW Crocheron. Whoa. That is exactly the type of thing I would expect someone named G-OW Crocheron to say. And I bet he was so boring. True. And that's my shout out to GOW Crochuron and my very poor transition into this episode's um main plot. That's so interesting. Well, I have to say, maybe we're not true ladies, but I do think people who tend to laugh loudly and frequently tend to be more fun to hang out with. So true. Maybe than a true lady or gentleman. But I do think that you can be you can be polite and a kind person and still have a good laugh. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

You're being sarcastic. I was like, wait. I co-host this podcast.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

Oh my gosh. Okay. Okay, so the first article that we are going to read and talk about is called The Power of a Good Handshake. And I thought this was really funny. It's okay, actually, sorry. That's the title I gave it. The real title is The Friendly Hand Clasp. Not so much worse. Infinitely worse. I think my title is better, The Power of a Good Handshake, because that's really what it was saying. You linked identified it. Yeah, I did. Oh my gosh. So this is from the February 1900 improvement era. And also, as a caveat for all of these, some of them I slightly edited them for like brevity and or clarity, but I didn't change anything like major at all. That is one thing about these articles. There were so many that were like five to seven pages long. They did not need to be just like very, very long-winded stories that didn't have an introduction or a climax or a resolution. Like, and they also didn't have anything to do with the gospel. Yeah. Which I personally love to see. I would have, I wish I'd had, I wish I'd known this was out there during my mission because I got so I just like couldn't handle reading religious texts anymore because that's all you can read. And I reached a breaking point and I was like, there has got to be something the church has published that doesn't have anything to do with. And I found this article, and this is kind of where the idea for this episode came from, I think. Yeah, I think so too. I found this article when I was serving at Temple Square about badminton. It had not one thing to do with the gospel, didn't mention Jesus. It was from the 1970s. But anyway, that is kind of the origin story of this episode. Yeah, so basically, we're putting together all of the stuff that you would have loved to read on your mission, Stella. Need. That's basically what this episode is. Um, okay, so the power of a good handshake. This was written by Adawal. Wooten, who was a pioneer from England. Don't trust him. I think. I think that was who it was. It just said a Wooden, but I did some research. I think that's who he was. Okay, I'll just start reading. If the good that has been done in the world by the fervent hand clasp of sincere friendship could be written, its study would be profitable to the world as a reformatory agent. It is one of the cheapest forms of friendly expression and always seems more sincere than mere words. When the heart is too full for words, the warm clasp of hands will speak volumes. And its memory will linger to give joy. To give joy to the weary wanderer from home and friends. No, he just needs to date someone. He's like thinking later about his handshake. And will draw the heart irresistibly back to the loved ones far away. I don't think so either. Whatever, whatever tension, whatever energy transmission this guy's experiencing through a handshake is something. I've never felt it. I know. It's like in the love languages thing, he's like, I'm a handshake. That's my love language. He's like, words, those do words of affirmation, no. Give me a handshake. Give me a warm, friendly, lingering handshake.

unknown 23:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Okay, but there's more. The power of the handshake goes beyond just that. He says, the cold handshake will often reveal the shallowness of the fawning, flattering words of the hypocrite, while a fervent handshake may reveal a warmth of friendship that, but for this method of communication, must remain unexpressed in the heart of one whose uncultured language is incapable of such expression, or whose stammering tongue is unable to express the warmth of a sympathetic, loving heart hidden under a rough exterior. If someone I know said any part of this, I would admit that immediately. I do think maybe that's a thing. Like, imagine like a really gruff dad who's like so not emotional, but he gives his son a good firm handshake and is like, Well done, son, or like I'm so proud of you. But I do think it has to be accompanied by words though. Like just a hand pressure shake. I don't know. But I think yeah, if you if you look at someone, you know, the sons of Provo, when he's like, Oh, I'm the littlest finger. Oh, I'm the littlest finger, look at me. And then like, when he like pats her knee. Yeah, or I pat her knee lovingly, like I'm here. And she's like just chewing gum and staring off into the distance.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

Everything means something. 80% of all communication is body language. If I were to touch someone's knee lovingly, it would probably mean I care for you. And what and you mean a lot to me, especially your knee. Moving my little finger, even, just something more inconsequent. Hello, I'm the littlest finger. Look at me.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

That's basically what he's saying about the handshake. Like the other person does not can't use everything. He's like putting his whole soul into the handshake. His hand, he's like he's like shaking. He's trying to like uh communicate telepathically through your handshakes. Oh, it gets crazier though. Oh no. Language may serve as a medium between intellect and intellect, but there is no avenue of communication like the warm pressure of the hand to heart in close and loving communication with heart. It gets worse. And to arouse a joy that bounds and rebounds with increasing intensity. Please. He did not see that. I told you I didn't touch him. I haven't seen these because I've been at work since again. Sylvia wrote this up, and I've never heard this in my life, and I kind of wish I'd never had, but it's really funny. It's really funny. Can you read that um that last part again? Yeah. He says there is no avenue of communication like the warm pressure of the hand to bring heart in close and loving communication with heart and to arouse a joy that bounds and rebounds with increasing intensity. Um also, how long is he shaking hands? Like for energy to bound and rebound, you'd have to be like literally a long handshake. Okay, I have a theory. Oh, okay. What if he's what if he is just closeted gay, okay? And he's never had any form of affection with another man besides a handshake. Oh my gosh. And so like he's like, of course, like talking, like that doesn't do anything. The only good thing that we feel in love with is a handshake. I take it all back. Because like if he shakes a guy's hand, he like really feels connected to them. And that's like the only way he can connect with another guy. I don't know if this is true. Okay, don't come at me, Adawall Witten descendants. I don't know if descendants of Adwall Whitney rise up. Tell us if your grandpa was closed. What do you know about the I mean, honestly, I would love to hear even if someone wants to yell at me. We're probably descendants of Atawal. Who knows? Atawell wouldn't. But yeah, that could be why he loves handshakes so much. Because he's like, why doesn't everyone love handshakes? Wait, stop. Let it be known we're allies, you guys. Yeah, we are. We are really feel for that experience. I'm gay, actually. I don't think I count. So we're both. You've got one ally and one gay here. Yep. Let it be known. This podcast was brought to you by one gay and one ally. Okay, this is interesting. Can I keep going? He's got more to say about handshakes. I'm so sad. You know. Uh, words of kindness, love, sympathy, or compassion may be given for the effect they may have on others in favor of the speaker. So he's saying, like, you could be complimenting someone to like so that other people are like, oh my gosh, he's such a nice guy. Look at him like doing all these compliments. It could be manipulative. Yeah. Oh. But the warm clasp of the hand can have no such ulterior purpose being realized only by those immediately interested. Besides, it approaches closely the injunction of the savior, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth. Oh, yeah. So I think he's saying that like I know, I know. I think he's saying basically, like, if you're in a group with other people, you could be like, Oh, brother Smith, your hair looks so nice today. You're such a nice guy, blah, blah, blah. And then other people will be like, oh my gosh, um, the guy complimenting Brother Smith is so nice. And you're doing that so that you look good to other people. But he's saying that if you shake someone's hand, it could be just as meaningful, but no one will notice that you do it. And so that makes it more like sincere. This is so I didn't know we were opening with a tragedy. No, sorry. I literally just thought of that right then. And that might not be true. It really might not be. I'm gonna hope that he's happy, happy whatever's going on, whatever's happening, gay or straight. Maybe he just loves a good handshake. I don't know. How would you three words to classify a good handshake? What would you say? Personally, I'm not a huge fan of handshakes, but tolerable ones. Yeah, it has to be brief. It has to be confident and dry.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

There we go.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Sorry. Brief, confident, dry. I knew what I was doing when I asked you that question, but I still wanted to know. Because there's nothing worse than a long, unsure wet in shoe. That sounds terrible. So maybe he was onto something because we too have a preference. Yeah, but I I would say I'm not as much of a believer in the power of the city. Sincerely with kids. Wow. I gotta keep going. There's more, there's more. Oh my gosh. Okay, keep going. It's almost over. The more universal practice of friendly and brotherly handshaking among the Latter-day Saints would no doubt tend greatly to bring about that union of feeling and purpose referred to by the Savior when he prayed that his disciples might be one with him as he was one with the father. For hard indeed is the heart that is not favorably affected by a hearty shake of the hand. Whoa. So now he's getting accusatory with it. He's like, Oh, and he's like, If you're not affected, you have a cold heart. Yeah. And maybe he was right. Okay, and then he ends with this in the family, in the social circle, and in every department of human association, this potent factor, aka handshakes, should be made to do its part in bringing about that condition of peace on earth and goodwill to men, so much talked of, so much to be desired, and to which every true Christian is looking forward as the final outcome and result of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Um yeah, so that was a roller coaster. So if you want peace on earth, start shaking hands more. You have to look him in the eye. It has to be a good hand. And we just taught you guys how to do it. It has to be good, it has to be sincere. You can't be manipulative with your handshake. Uh-uh. Although he said it's impossible to be manipulative with a different handshake. Don't worry about that. Do it however you want, just mean it. Yes, just mean it. So I wanted to mention something similar. Do you remember the uh section of Doctrine and Covenants that talks about shaking a spear to tell if it's a devil or an angel? Yeah. So I was like, I wonder if this guy loved that section. Because, you know, let me find it. Because it was a man with a white shirt that showed through his bosom appearing to another man in the middle of the night to shake his hand. He loved that one. Oh my gosh. Okay, let me find it. I want to read it. Okay, so the handshaking section of the Doctrine and Covenants says there are two kinds of beings in heaven: angels who are resurrected personages having bodies of flesh and bones. Secondly, the spirits of just men made perfect. But in addition to that, there could be a devil who is presenting himself as an angel of light. So he goes through these um instructions. If a being, a personage appears to you, you should offer to shake hands with them. If it's an angel, he will shake hands with you and you'll feel his hand because he's resurrected. If it's a spirit of a just man, he will not shake hands with you. Because he'll be like, No, I he'll be like, I can't shake hands with you because I don't have a hand. Because it wouldn't be sincere, it wouldn't be long, it wouldn't be lingering, you wouldn't feel the warmth of my hand. Not worth it. Yeah. But if it's a devil, he will offer his hand to shake, but your hand will like go right through it. So he's trying to deceive you with his handshake by pretending that he can shake your hand when he actually can't, because he's just a spirit. Yeah. No, I thought of that like from the get-go. Actually, that's that was kind of a scripture that I like fixated on as a kid. Yeah, it's so interesting. It's just so fascinating. And I also always worried that I would it would happen. And I'm not a handshaker myself, so I was just like, okay, well, if a spirit comes, I know I'm gonna forget this part and get manipulated. Oh, that's so funny. Because why would I just shake someone's hand? Yeah. That's not my first instinct if I see a vision of an angel or something. A spirit appears in your room. You're like, okay, before you say anything, um, I just gotta get one thing out of the way. Let's shake hands. Could you explain the doctrine and covenants and then give a reference to that scripture? Oh yeah, thanks. So the Doctrine and Covenants is a collection of revelations to the founding prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ Latter-day Saints, Joseph Smith. And this handshake, the angel handshaking section is section 129. So yeah, if you want to find that, section 129 of the Doctrine and Covenants talks about how to tell an angel from a devil from a resurrected being by shaking their hand. So yeah, I think that this guy, Adawal Wooten, would have been a huge fan of that section. He clearly believed in um handshakes as a way to tell a person's true character, right? Because he said the cold handshake will reveal the shallowness of the hypocrite. Yeah, which reminds me of like a phantom's hand passing through. Yeah. Spirit's hand, I guess. Yeah, or a devil, as it said. Oh, I also wanted to mention I do feel like handshaking is like huge in the LDS church. I'd I don't know why. I think part of it might be like, I mean, maybe it's like an American thing, maybe it's like a business thing. But comparing the US to Brazil, because those are like the two places I've like existed in an LDS context for a long time, like in Brazil was more like hugging. And in the US, it's definitely handshaking is like more the greeting. But it's always it is always a little awkward as a woman. I feel like women tend to hug each other. I have never well, very few times have I shaken hands with a woman at church, and usually it's in the context of like maybe I'm with my husband and she'll like shake my husband's hand and then she'll shake my hand. Yeah. I feel like women tend to hug each other, even in the US. Yeah. But with men, it's like they do handshakes. Except in like job settings for some reason. Then women like shake each other's hands. Of course. Yeah, it's like a professional thing. Yeah, anyway, professional thing. It's interesting. Yeah. It's weird. I also feel like for me in Mormon contexts, I find that some men are more willing to shake hands with my husband than with me. Like it's like awkward, like they don't know what to do with me for some reason. Like men shake each other's hands like all the time, like totally normal. And sometimes just to dispel that awkwardness when I meet a man at church, I will offer my hand to like shake hands with him because they're often like don't know how to greet a woman because like they don't hug, but like for some reason shaking hands is like a guy-to-guy thing in the church, I feel like. Yeah, so I'll often like I'll just shake hands with a man so that it's not awkward for him. Because it's I don't know, it's a weird thing. I don't know if that's like an American thing, a church thing, a Mormon thing, but there's something going on with the handshaking. There's something going on, and he was tapped in. He was tapped in. I mean, he was all for it. Uh for me, it's been a bit awkward, but he was all for the handshaking. He was. I'm gonna read a line from a section of the improvement era, which is a magazine that we've been going through, and it's called In a Lighter Mood. Oh, I love these. And so it's exactly what you think it is. Just some little some jokes, some fun stuff. Maybe when kids say the darndest things you would submit to the improvement era. So I'm gonna read, we'll just intersperse these. Yeah. Employer. You put that note where it will be sure to attract Mr. Smith's attention when it when he comes in, didn't you? Office boy. Yes, sir. I stuck a pin through it and put it on his chair. Oh! He's gonna know it's there. Oh, well, sure. Pin the tail on the Mr. Smith, I guess. Yeah. That is from the improvement era in January of 1900. Very funny. I'll read another one from the in a lighter mood section. Okay, this is a little story. I was in Salt Lake City. The streetcar was quite full of people going to one of the suburbs. At a stop, a man boarded who was very much the worse for liquor. He staggered over to a seat which happened to be next to a lady who looked like a temperance preacher, which is someone who's against the consumption of alcohol, or the author of some reform movement. The lady began lecturing the conductor of the car for admitting the man in such a condition. The carman held his peace. Seeing no further impression on him, she turned to the passengers who were lectured on the beastliness of the intruder next to her. There were glances from one to another, but no answer save silence, which seemed to give consent. In desperation, the lady turned to the drunk man himself and began, You dirty brute, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, with much more, closing with, Do you know what I would do if you were my husband? The drunk sat with his chin on his breast, nodding with each shake of the car but seemed to wake with that question. And after some effort, which greatly amused the crowd, he blurted out, No, ma'am, what would you do? I'd give you poison, she replied, sharp and curved. After a period of silence, the drunk man responded, Do you know what I'd do if I was your husband? No, what would you do, brute? There was some more nodding on the part of the drunk and general expectation among the passengers. Then he splurted out, I'd take it. Is that it? Yeah, that's it. What's the purpose of this? I don't know. There's not this is what I'm saying, you guys. Some of these things, there's just not one thing that's like, there's not a moral. There's there's nothing. And it's now the church magazines, we didn't we didn't really go into the present day the church magazines, but in my opinion, from what I've experienced with them, they're a lot more like sterile and to the point. There were so many articles about like philosophical musings and like the very beginnings of Mormon apologetics, too, that we were reading, which was so, so fascinating. And so it's weird to like to associate this in my mind with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because it is just such a far cry from what they are publishing today, which is fascinating. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff that you're just like, what does this have to do with anything? Here's another. Who composed the magic flute? asked an old lady to Mr. Gilbert. Mozart replied, Mr. Gilbert. Indeed, I have never heard of him. Is he still composing? No, ma'am, he replied, he is decomposing. Where the lady was somewhat discomposed. That's pretty funny. There's another banger from December 1900. Yes. Do you want to read the next one? I think this one's pretty funny, actually. Yeah. This is tough luck, said Ham mournfully, as he leaned over the side of the ark. What's wrong now? queried Shem. Why, all this water to fish in, replied Ham. And only two fishing worms on board. Oh, stop. Do you get it? Yes. Isn't that so funny? Of course someone thought of that. They were like, wait a second. I bet it sucked to not be able to fish on that boat. Yeah. In the deep. We only had two worse. So funny. That's really funny. That's from June 1904. Yeah. Okay, I want to read another article if that's okay. Okay, this one is called The Chemistry of Digestion. Oh. It's by Dr. John A. Witzo. I've heard that name before. Yeah, let's see. He was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Okay. From 1921 to 1952. He was from Norway. He immigrated to the US in 1883. And he was the director of an agricultural experiment station at Utah State. Oh, I think I was reading about that in another, it was like about um water. Oh, yeah. I think he did a lot of articles for the improvement era. Yeah, because it was about um the experiments that were happening, but it was it was specifically about water. So interesting. See, but that's what I mean. Like it was so like holistic and well-rounded, these magazines. It would be like and and also very um very much talking about key world events. Like there's a holiday letters that the first presidency wrote, and um, I'll talk about one of them in particular, but they go through like the news, like the current events, the things that are stressing out Mormons and talk about them very directly, which is just so interesting. The church today is very much um I feel like doesn't comment on current events very much. Not really much. Sometimes they do, they're very selective about it, but um, but for the most part, does not comment on current events, has the public stance that they are apolitical. So anyway, just really interesting contrast. But anyway, please continue. Um yeah, so this one is uh not related to the gospel at all. Although sometimes they do tend to like tie it in at the end to say like why it matters. But it's always so funny because it looks like they're scrambling for a moral sometimes. Yes, like the handshake one. Exactly. They're like, Yeah. I actually just really want to talk about this. And then at the very end, like throwing a little crumb. Yeah, exactly. Um, okay, so he starts out with a bang. No questions can be of greater importance to man than those that deal with foods and eating. Oh. And then he goes on to talk about how, like, in order to be receptive to the spirit, you have to be eating good foods and keep your body in a condition that you can like be receptive to the spirit. Um, okay, so basically he talks a lot about yeah, just the science of digestion, but I wanted to mention these gross and shocking parts that I was like really surprised. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. Just yeah, embrace yourself. Okay. The pancreas is a gland which exists in all air-breathing animals and in many fishes. It secretes an alkaline juice that is emptied into the upper portion of the small intestines. The pancreatic juice is a somewhat viscid, gluey liquid possessing a strong alkaline reaction. It possesses a strong alkaline reaction and a salty-ish taste. Okay, just pause for a second. Why does you know what pancreatic juice tastes like? I was trying to hold my tongue because I I feel like I react so much to my truthful reactions. And this is what I mean. Like, this is just us having conversations. So, like I I never mean to interrupt Sophia, but we do have a lot of overlapping dialogue because this is just our conversation. So I was for that split second, I was like, Okay, let me hold my tongue and stop, you know. And then you and then um and then I had to say something. Yeah. What do you mean? Like, how does he why does he know that pancreatic juice has a saltyish taste? I hope he read that somewhere. Yeah, like like no, when I first read that, I was going through, I was like, okay, okay, okay, wait a second.

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Like, that is so weird. I hope that he read that somewhere, but also someone had to make that observation. Oh, even if you read it somewhere, that's just disgusting. Oh, and yeah, this was in a church magazine. So crazy. You heard it here, folks. Keep reading. Okay, so the next part he talks about intestinal juice. And he says the yellowish, almost odorless mixture of water. Oh, this episode's gonna have trigger warm. That's just so bad. Okay, anyway, that part it doesn't have too much that's important, but I just wanted to say, why does he say odorless? How does he know that it's odorless? Okay, he's he's in there sniffing it and drinking it, I think. Someone like, but like, oh my gosh, I just don't even want to think about how this came to be, okay? But that is disgusting. That is very strong. I that's that's the only gross stuff that I'm gonna read. He goes on, there's a lot of scientific stuff, which who knows how accurate it actually is, because that was back a long time ago. But then at the end, okay, this is what we're talking about, how they tie it all up with a bow. He says, This then is the brief and rapid sketch of the process that occurs in our bodies after every meal that we eat. It is as wonderful as the romances of childhood. And even more wonderful is the story of the methods pursued by untiring lovers of truth by which the facts, the outline of which is here presented, have been obtained. Me when I'm writing an essay and I realize I wrote for the supporting side and I have to change my thesis at the very end. Oh my gosh, that's so funny. Like, I can't believe he calls digestion as wonderful as the romances of childhood. Well, he was licking the stuff. Ew. So yeah, and but then he even says, even more wonderful is are the methods by which these facts have been obtained. Oh my so now I'm like, wait a second. This is really suspicious. We're gonna have to look into scripts. I'm running a background check. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So that's the end of his article, but this is really funny. So, like, as I was going through these, now I'm like eight years later in 1909. So that one was in 1901, and then eight years later, there's an improvement era article in 1909 that I was like, is this a dig at his article? Okay. This next article is called A Short Talk About Eating by James Allen, MD, December 1909. He's like, that last one was long. Literally, he says, Do not get scared. I do not intend a scientific lecture on the physiology of digestion. Only a few plain suggestions that all will readily understand.

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Like, it really seems like he's calling him out. Oh my gosh. Oh my god. I was so shocked when I read that. And it was like eight years later. It would be more suspicious if it was like a month later or a year later. But I'm like, either this is a total coincidence or this guy has been sitting in the world. No, because why would he put that like why would he do that? Yeah, he's like, Don't worry, I'm not gonna give it away. He's like, I know you saw digestion. Yeah, it's a short talk about eating, just some things that everyone will understand. Like that last guy. Oh my gosh. I know, isn't that insane? That's so funny. Subtweeting someone through through their career era, and like eight years later, like feeding the flames to that grudge for eight years. Yeah, he's like, Oh my gosh. He's like, Every time I read that improvement era, I'm reminded. That is so funny. Yeah, it's so funny. And then I just want to read one part of his article. The the brief overview of digestion that doesn't include secretions or a personal experience. So part of his article is he talks about how you shouldn't eat too fast because it'll like give you a stomachache. And he says, I've heard men say, Life is too short, I cannot spare an hour for dinner. The answer to which is can you spare time for indigestion, for cramps, column? Can you spare time to be sick, to die? That's what he said. He's he's way too passionate about digestion in the way that the other guy was too passionate about handshakes. Yeah, but he has like a rage to him. The other one was like, it was it was like, you know, it was awful, but it was romantic in a way. Yeah, there was something to it. This is just like pure wrath. Yeah, he's so mad. Oh, you don't have time to eat? Well, you have time to die? Oh, well, do you have time for dizziness, nausea, cramps, and eventual painful death? Yeah. So funny. And then he gives this advice, which I think is fantastic. He says, Formerly, it was customary for gentlemen of means to employ professional fools whose duty it was to keep the dinners in mirthful mood. Yeah, the gestures. And then he says, These mirthful diversions prolonged the sittings and were conducive to health. So he's like, it was good because the gesture, the gestures made you eat slower because you were enjoying it. Maybe he's right. Maybe that's guys, listen to our podcast at dinner and tell us if it worked. Will be your dinner time gestures. The episode will probably be around an hour. We can test his theory. Me watching my like Netflix at dinner is actually necessary for my house. It's got something to it, I guess. I guess so. Um, and then he also says all depressing stories, as well as sermonizing, should be barred from the table. Oh, he ate with that. Joy aids digestion, oh my gosh, melancholy and grief inhibit it. He's actually so right. And this takes things to a more personal note, but I am recovering from an eating disorder. I'm so sorry. It's okay. I'm doing much better now. But it's true, like from my experience, if if eating as an experience is bogged down, or like there's conversation, like so many things can cause you to lose your appetite. And I think it's important maybe to employ a gesture, I guess. Employ a jester or YouTube in the modern adaptation. I'm gonna write an article, the use of gestures in eating disorder recovery. Yeah, that's so funny. He ate with that one, no pun intended. No pun intended. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Oh, Stella, can you read the one right below that? Yeah. Okay, so this is also related. That wasn't the only article in the improvement era to mention the importance of joy at dinner time or at mealtime. So this one is from actually three years earlier, and it also talks about the importance of joy at the dinner table. Still, you can read it. Laughter aids digestion. I have visited in homes where the members of the family would come to breakfast with long faces, stretching, gaping, discontented, surly, and cross. Everybody seemed tired or disgusted or had some tale of woe or trouble to tell. Goodness gracious. When conversation took the place of the gloomy silence, it was depressing. Nobody made an effort to say anything pleasant, no one tried to be cheerful or to look agreeable. First of all, I just got out of bed. Oh, yeah. If the meal hour were more generally looked forward to as a joyful occasion, as the best kind of mental recreation, as a chance for the brightest conversation, for humor, and for mental exercise and refreshing, there would be much more happiness and much less crime and misery in the world. There is no medicine for the stomach and liver. Shout out liver, like laughter at meals. Period. Interesting. Interesting. But again, I agree. Yeah. This next one is also food related. The title is Tea, Coffee, Cocoa and Chocolate: The Evil Effects of Their Poison Upon the Human System. Okay. Chocolate is catching strays, you guys. I'm used to seeing coffee and tea next to sentences like this, but here's some conclusions from this article from January of 1903 in the improvement era. And these are conclusions that I wrote after I read the article. This is basically like sum summing up the article. Yes. Okay, so the first conclusion from this article as penned by Sophia, if you eat meat or ketchup, you might become an alcoholic. So true. I'm just kidding. Can you explain uh why? Yeah. Okay, so I'll read the part of the article where he talks about this. Okay. He says, careful observations have shown again and again. First of all, just caveat. What careful observations? I just want I want the sources. They never cite their sources in these things. Anyway, have shown again and again that there is an intimate relation between diet and alcoholism, especially that tea, coffee, and condiments lead to the use of alcohol. Sorry. It has also been demonstrated that flesh eating, oh my, which I think he means eating meat, but why did he have to say it's like die? Creates a thirst for alcoholic beverages and an appetite for tobacco, the use of which almost invariably leads sooner or later to the use of alcohol in one form or another. So this is all basically a slippery slope. It's because it all leads to alcohol. Everything leads to alcoholism, first of all. Second of all, this just sounds really like his own careful observations. Yeah. And what I've ultimately noticed is I like condiments and eating meat. So yeah. So I was so confused when I read that. I didn't, I was like, I even looked up if condiments had like another meaning back then. Because I was like, he's really saying that like if you eat ketchup, you're gonna become an alcoholic. But it didn't have another meaning, it just meant what it means today. Like ketchup, any sauce, like he's just saying if you use condiments or drink coffee and tea, which I'm like, those are so different. Ketchup and tea and coffee. Like again, like if I would not be surprised if an article was written at this time claiming that coffee and tea contributed to alcoholism or directly caused it. I wouldn't be surprised by that. What I'm surprised is these random strays that the condiments and meat are catching, that they are also being um that alcoholism is being attributed to them. Yeah, it's a slippery slope. So you guys watch out. Don't eat meat with barbecue sauce. You might become an alcoholic. On your own, by the way. Yeah. In two hours. So this next one uh is really bad news for all of us. Hot cocoa and chocolate are basically just as bad as cocaine. So tell us more. Yeah, so his argument. I actually had to do research on this because I was confused about what he was saying. Basically, he talks about the I don't know how to say this. I looked it up. Thean. I'm just gonna call it that. It's T-H E I-N-E, and it's basically the same thing as caffeine, but it's called thean when it's in tea. Yeah, I don't know why. It's caffeine, but it's the caffeine that's in tea. It's like the natural caffeine that's in tea, it's called thean or something like that. Like the actual like chemical, probably that's in like a tea leaf, maybe. Yeah, it's that. So anyway, he says thean belongs to the same class of poisons as strychnine and is still more closely aligned to cocaine. Theine is almost identical with cocaine, both in its chemical composition and in its effects. Yeah, so he's basically just saying they both are like stimulants, basically. Like caffeine is a stimulant, cocaine is a stimulant, but like the degree is very different between them. Not to him. Again, this is like is he okay? He's like careful studies have observed that tea drinkers are also cocaine addicts, and the careful studying question is he's a cocaine addict. And he also funny, yeah. I just cannot think of another explanation for this. I think it's um I kinda when I looked into it, I think it was kind of uh sort of common in these times. Like a trendy, like a health trend. Yeah, it was a health trend for people to be against tea and coffee and to sort of use um not pseudoscience, but to sort of like exaggerate their claims of science. Like the things that he's saying are true, but the fact that he's classifying them as poisons and saying that thean is almost identical with cocaine, like that's not true. But they are both stimulants, so it's like he's getting it from somewhere, but it's just exaggerated to crazy proportions, yeah, to like suit his purpose. Yeah, no, that makes sense. And and the hot cocoa, um, hot drinks, like temperature-wise, like there was kind of like a health fad stating that those were bad. So I think that's why hot cocoa was also in here. Yeah, oh yeah, but there's also um where does it say that? So he says later, cocoa and chocolate contain an active poisonous substance called theobromine, which is closely related chemically to the thean of tea, and the effect upon the system is practically identical to that of tea and coffee. So I looked into this as well. And theobromine is like, you know how some people say there's caffeine in chocolate? Yeah. There is a little bit, and it's that theobromine. So, like for some reason, I I guess when it's in coffee, it's called caffeine. When it's in tea, it's called thean. When it's in chocolate, it's called theobromine. But each of these are stimulants to like varying degrees. And like obviously, if you eat a bar of chocolate, it doesn't do the same thing as if you drink a cup of coffee. Like they're all different, but he's kind of like saying that they're all the same because they have like similar effects on the body. Like, if you isolated these compounds, I don't know, it would do something similar. So he's like, they're all the same, basically. Yeah, so I'll give him his flowers because he's not totally off base. Yeah, but he is uh really paranoid, yes. So yeah, in in summary. His next point is don't drink any drink at all with your dinner because you will get a rheumatism. Yeah, and this one's just kind of totally not true. Um I'm like, oh, he had some points. Yeah. And he released this one, and a lot of this is like sort of newer quote unquote science for the time. And so this is like, yeah, going along with what a lot of people thought back then. They were just discovering, like, oh, certain things that we eat can have an effect on our brain. Like, this is what a stimulant does, and all this stuff. This one I think is just leftover from the past. I have no idea. Maybe because like you'll be too full if you drink water with a meal. But he says, why this persistent clamoring for drink of any kind with the meal? It always thirsty? I know exactly. And then he says, it always tends to diminish the activity of the natural digestive secretions, especially in secretion. Think this is the same guy, is it? No, it's not. It's another doctor. They were obsessed with secretions. And then he says, if we wash our food down with drink of any kind, the saliva is not permitted to do the preparatory work. And many diseases such as nervousness, rheumatism, and many other allied diseases are the result. So if you drink water with your meal, you'll get rheumatism. Yeah. That's crazy. I know. His next hot take is that hot cocoa and chocolate could actually be even worse than tea and coffee because they're sneaky and you think they're okay, so you drink more of it, and that's how you end up becoming a nervous, pale-faced, anemic girl. Yeah. So true. Just kidding. Basically, it's a slippery slope. So he talks about how um they're capable of causing greater evil, cocoa and chocolate are than tea and coffee, because people are used to them. They're not suspicious of hot cocoa and chocolate like they are of tea and coffee. But because they're considered to be wholesome, people drink them so freely. We're talking about Utah soda culture. Oh my gosh, so drink. Bring this guy back. I think he actually had a banger here. Yeah. Um, yeah, so that's why he's saying they're more harmful. And then he says, the nervous, pale-faced anemic girl is an unmistakable evidence of the poisonous effects of cocoa, chocolate, and tea. I'm like, oh. He's like, are you pale? I hate you. He's so mean. And nervous pain attic. And you're anemic and you're gonna die of a rheumatism for me. This guy would hate me. I know. Oh my gosh. So crazy. Well, I hope he's somewhere in the afterlife watching his life's work be read by a pale, anemic-looking girl. I'm just kidding. I don't have anemia. Stop drinking hot cocoa. Oh my goodness. Yeah, so this guy, Dr. U L Gardner, he had a lot of hot takes on hot drinks. Some of them better than others. I'm gonna shift gears a little bit and give a little shout out to the um article called The Spiritual Value of Fresh Air. I mentioned this one. It talks about how important fresh air is to like church meetings. Nice. And it says, practically all gatherings and meeting houses aim at spiritual, moral, and social improvement. To those who hold sacred the entire man, including the bodily life, it should be a religious duty to provide most favorable conditions for both bodily and spiritual health. The two are so interdependent that one cannot be promoted in the highest degree without attending to the other. It is true that physical evil may sometimes be a means of spiritual development. The evil, however, that we bring upon ourselves through neglect is the natural accompaniment of spiritual stupidity. Wait, can you read that last sentence again? The evil, however, that we bring upon ourselves through neglect is the natural accompaniment of spiritual stupidity. Okay, so he's saying that if you are spiritually stupid, you'll start to neglect yourself physically. Is that what he's saying? I think so. I mean, I I would have to bring in the whole article probably to contextualize that conclusion. I like the fresh air part. I know. He likely alluded to things sooner, but but I I think it's interesting in this context, like neglecting your physical and spiritual form together is stupid. Therefore, put fresh air in the chapels. Yes. And this one is really interesting to me because um LDS churches are not known for being particularly beautiful. Um they are more built for um Util they're like utilitarian. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, exactly, exactly. So they have like hairy walls, hairy walls, you know. For some reason, that's part of it. I did uh an LDS church ASMR video that's on our Instagram. Shout out me. Just kidding. Yeah. So I just think this is interesting because it's definitely not very much carried over now. Yeah, the fresh air. I mean, LDS chapels are not known for having fresh air either. I also that, no. Have you ever been in a mother's room? Don't go. Not very fresh. But also, I think we're used to having like AC and stuff like that. And back then they would have opened windows a lot more to like regulate temperature. Yes. But I love having windows open. I wish that we could do that more. I know. It's so lovely. So I want to just read one line from the first presidency's Christmas greeting in 1907. The passing year has been pregnant with terrestrial convulsions. No. What does that mean? Pregnant with terrestrial convulsions. Did they mean earthquakes? Yes. So I continued reading and it's talking about that this year could be long remembered for volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, tidal waves, and numerous other alarming phenomena which impress upon men's mind the instability of all earthly things, even the very earth itself, et cetera, et cetera. Wow. Instead of being like, hmm, there were a lot of earthquakes last year. So hard to say. It's not great. It does get really political here too. Oh. Not in any negative way. It's commenting on persecution of Jews in Russia. Oh, wow. And Polish people, the loss of Polish independence. Anyway, it's just really, it's just an again really interesting um how openly they talk about current events. Yeah. I mean, back then this newspaper was or this magazine, I don't know what you would consider it back then magazine newspaper. It was probably like one of their main sources of news, too. Mm-hmm. Like there was probably other ones, like I don't know, they probably had some solid newspaper. News was more localized, so yeah, they couldn't just go online. Local newspaper. You know what I mean? Yeah. Here's another one. At a certain Baptist convention, a man diminutive in size was moderator. Like, okay. They're already insulting. He's Baptist, so we're gonna call him short. When he arose to speak, only his head appeared above the pulpit. Oh. And when he spoke, he could not be heard in the rear end of the building. Oh he had only spoken a few words when someone who failed to hear yelled out, get up higher. I can't, responded the good man. To be a Baptist is as high up as a man can get. Oh, that's funny. He kind of ate. Yeah. That is so funny. It continues on, but I just thought that was a crazy opener. Not as crazy as the one what was it? I think I sent it to you. Oh yeah, here we go. The opening of this article. August 1905. This narrative will not concern itself with the tragic sorrows of the Mexican emperor during the six months which followed his Christmas visit to the old Mexican town occupied by his countrymen and friend, Prince Somsom. I just this much What did it concern itself with? Well, I'm like, why would I assume that? Like it's the first line and it's also so specific. Don't worry, this article will not concern itself. Don't worry, this won't be a long, detailed article about digestion. They were something. They wanted to let people know right off the bat. Don't worry. They ran into some controversy. People were thinking, oh my gosh. Anyway, this one though, when I contextualize it a bit, and to be honest, like there is so much material. I wish I'd had time to contextualize some of these one-liners. Um, because I think they would still be really funny, to be honest, but they would make a little more sense. But this one in particular, it it's like um a recurring story that continues in parts throughout each publication. It's one that has nothing to do with the gospel. Yeah, but apparently this one in particular is not about the tragic sorrows of the Mexican Emperor during the six months of Chalonus Chris fit to the old Mexican palace occupied by his countrymen and friend, the Prince Psalms. Oh my gosh, that's so maybe you have to flip to another edition for that part. I don't know. I'm like obsessed with this really old meme, the one that was like roses are red, violets are blue, and but then you make the thing rhyme with it. Wait, roses are red, violets are blue. This is to make it rhyme with somebody. Okay, here we go. Roses are red, evening is calm. This narrative will not concern itself with the tragic sorrows of the Mexican emperor during the six months which followed his Christmas visit to the old Mexican palace occupied by his countrymen and friend, the Prince Som. Oh my gosh. That is the craziest sentence ever. I'm just so obsessed with it. It's so long. I can barely. I'm gonna start out. Wait, I'm not in school anymore. If I were in school, I would like to start out all my papers. Like this will not concern itself with some random thing. And then it really doesn't concern itself with hey, I mean, I I warned you, I told you guys it would not concern. I'm not expecting me to talk about the tragic emperors, the tragic stars, the Mexican Emperor, and his friend Prince Solomons. You're gonna be really disappointed. You really will. This episode will not concern its own with the tragic stars. Oh, that's so funny. So at this juncture, we realize we have more material than will fit in this episode. And so we apologize, but there will be a part two to come. Classic loud laughter move. Yeah, classic loud laughter move. You can't get rid of us! Yeah, so we've shared some of the crazy articles that we found from the improvement era 1900 to 1909. We'll be back with more in the next episode. But before we sign off, I just wanted to end with this really funny and cute joke that was in the um in a lighter mood section of the improvement era of March 1905. One evening recently, when a mother was getting her son ready for bed after what she termed a day of unmitigated outrageousness on the part of her son, she said to him, I believe her. I know. Now, when you say your prayers tonight, Richard, remember to ask God to make you a better boy. You certainly have been bad today. Oh my. I know. Accordingly, the youngster began his petitions to the Almighty in the usual form. Before closing with a customary amen, he added, and please, God, make me a better boy. Then he paused a moment and, to his mother's dismay, concluded, Nevertheless, not my will, O Lord, but thine be done. He's like, Oh, you want to bring religion into this? I'll show you. I'll show you how to do it. It wasn't the Lord's will that I become better for. The next day he does all the same stuff. He's like, I'm sorry, I just said the Lord likes me, outrageous. Okay, I'm actually perfect the way I am. Yes. That is so funny. I love that. I know. They had some really funny jokes in that section. Some of them were weird. I feel like I I obviously had some like fun things, but Sophia did the bulk of the research. But I feel like every time that I had a moment to research, it'd be like racism, war, women are evil. And then Sophia comes back with all of these like cute quotes from kids. Like, we had very different things. Well, I had a dig. No, I know. Because you did you actually did the research, so you parsed through those. It was just um surprising to me. The the variety, you know, the variety of topics, the variety of styles. Yeah. I and so eye-opening that there's like low-key some beef in here. I know. Maybe, potentially. We got we got a closeted romance, we got um people beefing in the paper, about digestion, some crazy health theories, yeah, some fun jokes, some one-liners. We really had it all today, you guys. Yes, we did. Thank you so much for listening. We're excited to come back with part two of this episode on wild improvement era articles from 1900 to 1909, and we'll probably make this a series. I didn't mean to do this a two-parter. I didn't even I actually thought that we were gonna have so little content that we would do all of the church magazine articles like ever written, and we're gonna be able to do that. Which was crazy ambitious. Yeah, we almost Sophia adjusted her bang and her goggles and got into it, and now we have all of this treasure trove. So yeah. So if you guys like it, it would take some severe ADHD to get to get to get into this. No, yeah, I was hyper focused. This was like my main I'm talking about myself too, obviously, but yeah, well, yeah. I was this was my main focus the past like two weeks. I was just knee deep in the improvement era. Be dreaming of the improvement era, literally, lucid dreaming the improvement era. I probably did, yeah. I did actually. Wait, you did? I literally did. Oh my gosh, that's so funny. You dreamed that you were reading the improvement era? Oh my gosh, that's so funny. Yeah, and like finding crazy stuff. That's hilarious. Well, anyway, this episode has obviously consumed Sophia's time. It's been worth it. Attention, my dreams. I may not have worked while I was awake, but apparently I was doing research while I was asleep. So we really hope that you enjoyed it, and thank you so much for listening. We have had the opportunity to meet some listeners recently too, and that has been so incredible. Our DMs are always open. We love to hear from you guys. Tell us your thoughts about the episode. If you have any Molly Mormon moments. Yeah. We need more famine. And if you have, we are actually in a famine. So if you have suggestions too for like what's more convenient, what what makes you want to submit to a podcast? Um, I'd be really curious to hear about that. It's um it's it's hard to do with like a smaller audience, also because I think it feels more intimate, even though it's equally anonymous as submitting to a podcast with a larger audience. There's something about it, at least in my experience, I'm less prone to submit or engage with things on social media that don't have as many likes, comments, shares, submissions, things like that. So I know this is a natural thing, but I'd be curious. You know, obviously we're a smaller podcast, but we really do rely in large part on involvement with you guys. So send us a text. There's a link in this episode. There's our DMs that are always open. I am chronically on Instagram, so you can always reach me at loud laughter podcast. Yes, thank you so much for listening, and we will see you next time. Ciao. Bye. Bye.